Everyone of us should open the doors of our homes -
in a way that is suitable to us and to our family situations.
Instead of an agenda Jesus spent time with people.
Our identities become stronger when we're a part of something -
in common instead of just being involved as individuals.
Welcome up-to-date. In the Old Testament the people -
who lived in the same community belonged to one family.
This is a reality in many countries even today, -
but in the West industrialization made people move to cities, -
and connections to the previous generation were broken.
It's a fact that in order to grow we need relationships -
to people who are both older and younger than ourselves.
How could we make those relationships flourish again?
UPDATED AND ONBOARD
PART 4: RELATIONSHIPS Relationships across generations
Today's youth have all technological prerequisites for keeping in touch.
Yet they experience a lot of loneliness, depression and anxiety.
There is social isolation and mistrust both in churches and outside of them.
Many young people think following Jesus can be done even alone.
Connections in the digital world don’t create and deepen relationships -
that help them live in the world outside of the digital reality.
A basic idea of the Christian life is that fellowship grows in relationships.
The relationships in the church are found to be meaningful -
if we are committed to reciprocity and want to be with each other.
Are the relationships in your church like this?
Different people of various ages can attend the services -
but do we share life with others across generational boundaries?
There are examples in the Bible of instruction between generations.
When prophet Samuel was young God called him -
but he thought it was Eli the priest.
When Eli understood the situation he was able to advice Samuel.
The older generation must accept that God also speaks to young people -
whereas the young people must learn to listen.
According to research young adults with a strong and persistent faith -
feel that the church is their family.
They have strong relationships that support their spiritual growth -
with church members of all ages. Building of such relationships -
requires trust, openness and boldness to be vulnerable.
If you accept your vulnerability you don’t need to isolate -
behind a barrier that separates people and generations.
Katriina, you're a member of Home Church in Kuopio -
and are involved in many interdenominational networks.
If these connections disappeared from your life, what would remain?
Not much, I must say.
Since I'm no longer a student -
and having been a housewife several times I don't have a work community, -
the church connections form almost 100 percent -
of all the community activities I'm involved in.
So it is a very big part of my everyday life.
So you're not just an official member of something -
but relationships are being born. - Yes, over the course of years, -
and even with kids my goal has been to build relationships.
In the insert Arno said many young adults think -
it's possible to follow Jesus and be rooted in Him alone, -
without other people. How have we ended up in such a situation?
I think it's probably partially due to the fact -
that our church culture is very program-based.
Maybe people go to church to look for experiences -
and to participate in good music and atmosphere.
However, human relationships might either remain superficial -
or they aren't even really formed.
If we think of Jesus' model, He didn’t have any agenda.
He just spent time with people and took them with whatever He did, -
whereas we would say: "If you want to grow spiritually, take this course!"
It's precisely the lack of common culture that has made people -
unable to see the church as a place where relationships are formed.
Often at church people do certain routine things -
and see certain faces, but maybe they don’t even go there -
to deepen the relationships or to think what they can learn of someone else -
or how we can somehow grow and develop in this community.
It's very routine-like and agenda-based, -
and I have also noticed that easily the relationships that already exist -
such as friendships or family relationships -
or playing in the same band or attending the same school -
have kind of stuck, -
so even at church people stick to the groups they already know.
And it can also happen that people are so tightly bound with responsibilities -
and their calendar is so full that they don’t have time to make friends.
Years ago my husband tried to find someone to go with him to sauna.
The guys tried to fix an appointment but found time only after two months.
I also always have to take my calendar into consideration.
Let's say that my daughter asked me if I had time in my calendar -
to spend time with her, I'd have to say -
that maybe in two months, so it really is a problematic situation.
Is our calendar just always too full to begin with?
Do we make time and space -
for spending time with our friends like you said?
After all we're talking about our family, our extended family.
Is our calendar also a value choice to some extent?
And is it more valuable if your calendar says you're leading a prayer service -
than if it would say that today these friends are going to visit us, -
we will have dinner together and spend a nice evening?
Quite well said. I think it's a big question.
And OK, people are different.
For someone it's natural to welcome people at any time, -
others might want to arrange it separately, -
but we must somehow manage to fit it into our own lives -
so that we have time for other people one way or another.
It's a matter of prioritization. It would be important to get teaching, -
experiences and examples of the importance of the church.
God's family is so important, -
and somehow the Kingdom of God comes true in our lives through church.
Nowadays our culture is very individualistic -
and often everything is related to our own limits, own home and family.
What if we didn’t think -
that the extended church family, opening our home and giving time -
is a threat and something away from us, -
but it's somehow a part of our shared love, -
serving and life together?
We shouldn't categorize so precisely what is my field -
but trust that when we do things together we will all be blessed.
On the other hand it also means some selfless choices -
that you're ready to take the trouble -
and to show love in practice and to receive it.
All this makes the experiences of acceptance and value stronger -
and there will be love and commitment.
When you said the church is important I immediately thought -
the sentence would continue: "Come then to service and sit at the pew, -
come there and be present", not that the people at church are important.
Maybe it's also, if I take myself as an example, -
I have a wife and kids, -
and if someone from my church context -
or from my church family comes to visit me, -
do I see it as being something away from my family, -
or do I turn it the other way round that this person becomes -
a part of my family and I include this other person or family, -
these people into the life of my family?
Are we always only building bilateral relationships -
or are we letting people into our everyday lives?
Next Julius will tell us about the relationships -
that he has to people both older and younger than himself -
and how have they affected his life and growth.
The relationships I have -
to church members older and younger than myself is divided in the way -
that I have older people -
such as my grandfather, who is my spiritual mentor, -
and another far more practical mentor.
And at church there are young people to whom I share what I have learned -
from the Bible and discuss with them. They are more like friends to me.
The relationships across generations should be maintained so that -
first of all you keep in touch with those people.
It also requires mutual respect, -
i. e. the elderly people must respect the younger ones and vice versa.
Especially the younger people must accept -
that the elderly people have knowledge and experience on life -
that you cannot find by studying or read online.
The elderly should understand that the youth live in a different world, -
and it might require some conversation to get to the same page with them.
Keeping in touch and respecting the connection is the key here.
What these relationships have especially brought into my life -
is such a perspective, experience and guidance to life -
that I couldn't have got anywhere else, -
for example my grandfather's experiences on missions -
and living in Asia. I have lived so deeply in the Western bubble -
that I couldn't have found such information just by reading a book.
And with younger people I have experienced deep friendships -
and the experience that I can share them what I learned from the elderly.
Having had relationships with people both older and younger than myself -
has helped me in my personal growth.
If you sometimes have to listen to someone -
and understand that they are wiser than you helps you grow in humility, -
but you shouldn't also undermine that you have received something -
and can pass it on and share it with a younger person -
who is looking for their place in life and what God wants to do in it.
You can pass on what you have received from the elderly people.
Why then aren't such relationships across generations -
or relationships with people from different age groups -
that Julius said were very important to him formed in our churches?
Why don’t they become deeper or start to flourish?
I think I see two parts in this problem. Maybe in our churches -
we even lack teaching on the importance of the church family, -
speaking the truth and bringing forth with words and deeds the model -
of what a family, spiritual family, God's family is like.
And maybe also that the family culture and spending time together -
may nowadays be different also in families.
Even at home people might not spend so much time together -
and everyone is isolated in their room or corner.
I think both these things are related to this and my main point is -
that it should start from presence both at church and at home.
We must have time -
and we must understand the importance of investing into this.
How much do we even create -
such models in churches -
where the normal interaction with people of different ages -
is a part of everyday life?
Often we have children ministry, youth ministry -
and then the general, bigger church meeting, -
but are all the people coming there?
And then we might have the elderly people somewhere, -
but we don’t have a good model on where everyone could be together.
And also if the churches are big -
it also eats away the fellowship.
I don't mean it's a bad thing but then we must find means -
and places where we can build up the fellowship between age groups.
Everyone of us should open the doors of our own homes -
in a way that is suitable to us and to our family situation, -
so that the church family could somehow be a living organism -
that moves, lives and has an influence also beyond the church facilities -
or maybe through phone conversations -
so that we'd really meet each other and do everyday things together.
And by doing that we'll also become fond of and committed to each other.
I have personal experience on what Julius talked about.
Having had elderly people who are somehow present in my life, -
they have been able to speak into my life -
but I've also actively approached to them with questions -
that have been difficult to me instead of just talking to my parents.
Growing up I have also had other people -
who have given some kind of a contribution into my life.
It would have been very hard to start looking for -
who at church might be a suitable person, -
but since the relationships are already formed and exist, -
it's much easier to take advantage of them.
I have also had the experience of being asked to be someone's mentor.
After that we agreed that we would meet regularly for a year -
and after that we would re-evaluate the situation.
So it requires initiative from both sides.
In my opinion this is an important idea -
because it has to be mutual, i.e. both the youth and the elderly -
must have genuine interest on each other, as we already mentioned.
You must see that you want to invest time into a young person, for example.
You realize you've got something you can give them.
So maybe the question is, do you see that you have something to give?
Many things you said made me think of -
what is the foundation of all this. Jesus is the head of the church, -
and we've been given His love through the Holy Spirit.
And how important it is to have a deep relationship with Jesus.
Then His love in us gives us the sense of acceptance -
and we will also learn to understand what the Holy Spirit says to us.
Then we can ask the Holy Spirit with whom He wants us -
to form relationships, because Jesus is the leader of the church.
How does the church body work?
I have very blessing and rich experiences on -
how the Holy Spirit has opened connections across generations, -
which have become lovely friendships.
It would never have come into my own mind to ask exactly those people.
So if the Holy Spirit works in our hearts -
and we have love, respect and interest towards other people, -
it makes it easier for the fellowship and relationships to be formed.
Why then are relationships across generations so powerful?
Why are they more powerful than just having people of our own age in life?
I can't find everything in my own context.
I also need something from elsewhere. It's the same as a work community -
that also needs people with different gifts, talents, skills and experiences -
in order to function in the best possible way.
Since the family is God's idea, somehow there is the secret -
of how we can find joy from that fellowship.
How do the elderly find joy in children -
and how children and young people find safety in adults and the elderly.
It can be a spiritual, mental and even physical strength -
when you have people around you, and it nourishes you.
I think we genuinely have more hormones that make us feel good.
It affects our overall well-being.
It is encoded into us that we belong to a family.
Maybe my point is that we should be wakened into that.
I'm sure that no one who finds it will ever want to lose it -
because they have realized what a rich blessing it is.
What does the fellowship between generations require from us?
It requires a change of culture.
If you think of a family where everyone eats at a different time -
and want to create fellowship inside the family you should create a culture -
where the family eats together. They come together at a certain time.
The activity might not be formal at all, but it's time they spend together.
Yes. It means somehow just a shift in the orientation, -
widening your perspective of what a family could be -
and how much time you invest on it. It means concrete steps.
It kind of requires some processing and that we talk about it at home.
We don't just talk about church members -
but we talk of friends who are dear to us.
I think that it is important also in the lives of children and youth -
that these people are involved in it also outside the church -
so that relationships across generations -
will get a deeper meaning than just the church context.
Eating together, sharing life -
and maybe opening up church facilities and possibilities -
and investing on ways to find things to do together -
and to help each other.
And what also came into my mind are the fruits of the Spirit -
that God works in us, patience, love, forgiveness, -
so that everyone of us could grow spiritually in those relationships.
I understand the Biblical description of the church so that -
the church is where Christians meet. Let's do things together -
and bring our whole life and the common matters of church -
into the middle of our everyday lives -
instead of keeping them only in the Sunday service.
And if in the church we have situations either in the church building -
or in small groups where people of different ages are present, -
it must be taken into consideration so that everyone feels welcome -
and what happens makes everyone feel included -
and understand what is going on. - Yes.
And it also came into my mind -
that it probably affects that we are all different.
Yet our identity can become stronger when we are a part of something -
together instead of just being involved as individuals.
Maybe it's the other way round that when I'm a part of this, I belong here -
I also find people who are both similar to and different from me.
I think it also strengthens the identity of children and the youth.
They can be visible the way they are in the middle of diversity.
Thank you Arno and Katriina for this great conversation.
Fellowship with people from different age groups -
can be challenging but is certainly also rewarding, -
so let's get updated and onboard also with this matter.
What steps are you ready to take in you own life or at your church -
to strengthen the relationships between different generations?
In the next episode we ask, do we see our who life as a calling.
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English translation: Anni Lähteenmäki / TV7