Especially when my life changed a lot in a short period of time, -
I started to grow to become what I was created to be.
Not so that we take things from here and there, but we must get rooted -
into something that is permanent, true and good.
I express verbally some things that cross my mind -
so that the kids understand that God is involved in everything -
and He follows whatever we do in our everyday life.
Welcome to the programme. Identity. Is it given or chosen?
Is there a coincidence or a plan behind my existence?
The first 1,000 days of a child's life -
are crucial when it comes to building up their well-being and identity.
From this basis the child looks for the answer to the most important question.
GETTING UP-TO-DATE
PART 2: IDENTITY Do we invite Jesus into everyday life?
Who am I? Our identity used to be based on our nearby surroundings, -
although influences were also taken elsewhere.
Nowadays the virtual reality shapes our self-image significantly.
In the "Kingdom of Screens" everyone chooses their identity.
We are told we can find our identity from our inner self.
We can believe what we want as long as it doesn't affect others, -
and we must strive for the things we long for the most.
Our culture thinks that our identity is made up of our choices.
Our choices do matter, but they are not the whole truth.
The Bible says we are valuable because we are the image of God.
We will reach our true identity when Christ renews the fallen man.
How can we then help the youth to find their identity in Jesus -
in stead of it being a hybrid of self-chosen and shaped beliefs?
This is a challenge for both the parents and the churches, -
for the people with a persistent faith say their identity comes from Jesus.
They have a deep relationship with Jesus, -
and they feel that Jesus meets with them and the reality.
Following Jesus doesn't happen just increasing the knowledge of the Bible.
It also requires human relationships in which the teaching is lived true.
PhD of Education Juha Parkkinen has said -
that learning and a whole identity are built in deep relationships.
To strengthen the relationships we create fellowship -
that fixes the damage caused by individualism and value liberalism.
The churches try to adapt to the fast change of the society.
In stead of change we should look for transformation.
Change often only leads to reshaping of outward forms.
True transformation springs up from deep and leads to Christ-likeness.
It is based on the truth -
of who we are as God's creation and His redeemed ones.
Sini-Marja, you are a mother and the family ministries coordinator -
at the Uusi Verso community in Tampere.
How did your life change when your relationship to Jesus became deeper?
Well, it was a process. At first it took quite a long time -
but when it really got deeper, I could say that everything changed.
Everything didn't change at once, but slowly my life and everything -
there is inside of me changed. So I can say in the end.
A lot of certainty and security came into my life.
I started to look for the will of God -
and found the safety and a foundation for my life -
and also for my identity in a new way.
And now my life is a million times richer and more interesting, -
as I have a new kind of relationship to Jesus.
How is it possible to get to the point that you get your identity from Jesus?
What does it mean in practice?
I think the starting point is to give your life to Jesus.
Also teaching is important. How much teaching we have -
on the fact that our true self is built through being born again, -
what Jesus has given us through His own life?
So we are talking about a much wider concept -
than what our society means by it.
Our society talks about the way we ourselves shape our identity, -
but in this context the identity is by and large given to us.
The Christian identity is attached to basic truths, -
it is rooted into who Jesus is and what He has done for us.
It is rooted into realities such as that we are children of God, -
we are redeemed, saved and born again, -
we are a new creation and many other things the Bible says about us.
Our identity is built around things like this, -
not so that we take things from here and there, -
but we root ourselves into something that is permanent, true and good.
Yet we are not all the same, even though our identity comes from -
understanding how much God has loved us and still loves.
Like you, Eva, talked in the beginning -
of the first thousand days of a child's life.
It consists of the reality that the child feels they are safe.
And even as we grow up we need to be conscious of that.
Our identity can be built on this foundation -
that we are loved and we don’t have to look for love, -
for acceptance of the others or any artificial construction, -
and yet each of us is different.
Everyone's identity is personal and we are not copies of each other, -
where as nowadays it feels like everyone should be a certain way, -
like we were from the same factory.
If we trust God and the truths you were talking about, -
the Bible and what Jesus has taught, -
we can also trust that the plans God has for us -
are far better than the ones we could build up ourselves -
by picking up this and that and trying to somehow cope -
and manage to construct an accepted identity that feels good.
I can trust that it is good, because it's what I'm created to be -
and I'm on the way towards it. - So can we think that the identity -
is fundamentally a kind of thing that enables us, -
or the right kind of understanding about the identity enables us -
to make such choices that we can live a full life -
that you were talking about? I think I see it the same way.
And we can also think it that way that we are on a journey of growth.
At least I feel that I grow and change all the time.
There is a song called Sieluni kaltainen ("Like my soul").
I feel that when my life changed a lot in a short period of time -
I started to grow to become the person I was created to be.
This made me feel immensely liberated, -
and the life and how I feel I'm like kind of goes to the right place.
How could we then model this identity we have in Jesus -
to children and the youth?
It probably should show in everything we do.
Perhaps a concrete example could be -
how do my children learn -
what the Word of God means in our lives.
My kids have seen that I have read the Bible and other books at home.
As far as I know, the role of the father is quite strong in this.
If the father reads, it becomes true for children in a different way.
Somehow it's about the example of what things are important in life.
In my opinion this is at least one example of this.
In addition to making conscious choices that reflect in our actions, -
it is important that the children see the true joy and peace in us, -
because if what we talk about and teach -
contradicts what they can observe from us, -
it is the non-verbal communication that people read.
This means, what do we look like -
and how do people around us experience us?
Does it show as a kind of being rooted, -
a natural way of being and breathing?
Does it all show in us as prayer, peace and joy, -
that we feel good here? This is really important.
Perhaps one thing that is related to this modelling -
and to the whole idea of our identity is who defines and controls our lives?
Are we kings over everything or does Jesus have a bigger role?
Are we ready to give the control to Him in some matters?
It might not feel natural nor easy.
As you said, it does transfer strongly to the life of children and the youth, -
because they see how we live -
and absorb it much more than our words.
This too is an important thing -
that we should take into account in our upbringing.
Two examples from the UK come into my mind.
This one is from history.
It is told that Charles and John Wesley's mother -
used to throw her apron over her head and pray.
That was her moment and a sign that mom did not want to be disturbed.
It was her private area, as there was no separate room for her to use.
And we all know what became of Charles and John Wesley.
Another example is from the present time.
When a teacher called Rachel Turner started to ponder on how to teach -
children to pray, she realized she had always thought -
that it is important to make kids "God-smart".
Then she realized it is more important for them to be "God-connected".
This transformed the way she started to teach children -
to discuss with God.
I was still thinking of -
as we talk about modelling, -
how strongly does it imprint on our children and young people, -
what is the basis of the big questions and choices of life that we make?
What are they based on, -
and how do we justify the choices we make in the family?
My wife and I have talked a lot that it is really important -
to explain things to the children, of course according to their age, -
so that they understand why we as a family think in a certain way -
that can differ from the mainstream or what their friends are doing.
Children reflect everything in relation to the world around them -
but also in a relation to their own family -
and in this way they understand that even their choices are important.
This is a process in which families should be actively involved.
Next we'll hear what Tytti, a mother of three primary school aged boys, -
has to say about her identity in Jesus and how it affects her everyday life.
I came to Jesus when I was 10 years old. It was an important moment.
I was bullied a bit at school -
and I wanted to experience that I have a strong foundation.
It's not just a corner of my foundation, it's absolutely the entire foundation.
The human being is so precious. God has loved us so much -
that He has redeemed our sins when we have fallen.
This affects the other parts and identities of our lives.
When you're redeemed and loved, -
it is easier to redeem and love others in your other identities, -
in your work identity, as a mother with the kids or as a wife.
I try to show the love of Jesus in small deeds in my everyday life.
It's not a Sunday thing or a church thing, it's the foundation of my life.
I try to make the foundation of my identity visible in my everyday life.
I choose to go to church and try to spend even a moment with Jesus -
every day, to pray and to read the Bible.
At home we read the Bible together and discuss -
what we remember of it and what it means to us.
We try to bring our worries to Jesus in prayer together.
I have tried to show the kids -
that we can carry all our worries and bad feelings to Jesus.
I sometimes think that if someone's identity is not based on Jesus, -
how can they carry all the troubles and worries -
that our life always brings us?
How is Jesus present in your everyday lives and families?
Well, as a mother and a parent, prayer is a crucial part of it.
It is hugely important to pray by ourselves for the children, -
and we should remember to do it much more, also in a planned way.
In addition to that I have tried to put into words -
thoughts about God and Jesus right in the middle of the normal life.
For example I express verbally some things that cross my mind -
so that the kids understand that God is involved in everything -
and He follows whatever we do in our everyday life.
Like: "Now we need to remember to pray for this and that person", -
or: "Thank you Jesus that we made it to the bus even though we left late."
I have tried and still try to teach my children -
that they can talk to Jesus whenever they want -
and that prayer is important.
Of course we have also taught them the mealtime prayer etc., -
but more than that we have tried to teach the children -
to tell Jesus what they think at any situation.
For example in the bedtime prayer we parents pray for the kids, -
but before that everyone can say their own little prayer.
And we also want to teach the children -
to start seeing God's reality in everything and also to think -
whether or not something they are doing is actually a good thing.
What does the Bible teach us about that?
This kind of things aren't easy -
and they have required us as parents to make conscious choices.
We also try to teach the children to evaluate this world.
Of course we try to do this according to their age.
I would also like to add -
that in addition to reading the Bible in the right way for the child's age, -
it is also important to reflect on what we do and why -
in the situations of everyday life.
The stories that we read in the Bible are not just some ancient stories -
but they are related to our lives today.
I might say that I gave a poor person money because of this or that, -
or other things like that, -
or that I didn't want to lie in that situation -
because the Bible says that it isn't right.
So I do this in normal, everyday life situations so that the kids see -
that the Bible is still relevant and that its instructions protect us.
If we use a figure of speech -
that the family is yellow and the church is red, -
and to reach a good cooperation between church and family -
we need connective or orange thinking. How can we achieve that?
If we talk about church in the way that might come into mind first, -
and think of it as an institution, we must say -
that the child's Christian education cannot be left only to the church.
But if we think of the church in the way -
that all the people involved in it are raising the children together.
This cooperation would then lead us into orange thinking.
The parents make their own conscious choices and decisions -
and try to think forward of the child's life and growth -
and in what kind of a world are we living, -
and how they want to help their kids, and the church supports them.
In my work I want to plan things together with the families, -
and then we do things together and support one another.
Maybe in our society there is a certain trend -
that we want to outsource some things to the society, -
and this outsourcing can come also into the church life.
Parents might want to park their kids somewhere -
while they themselves go and take care of their spirituality.
In the long run this might not be very fruitful, -
and it contains some challenges. I personally think -
that it is crucial to concentrate on human relationships -
and create the cooperation through them.
The agenda or what we do is a secondary thing.
Yes, and the church is also a place for the kids and the youth to make friends.
If the family doesn't have close contact to other believers, -
the children can see in the church -
that there are others who go to church and talk about this kind of things.
In the church they also create their own culture and network.
Thank you very much for this conversation, Sini-Marja and Arno.
It was lovely to hear your thoughts. - Thank you.
"You knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made."
Psalm 139 describes the creation of the Heavenly Father in a lovely way.
In the best case the relationship to God and Jesus can help us -
develop the identity of a child, not the identity of an orphan.
As God's family members we can discuss with Him every day.
Is this fulfilled in your family? And is your church up-to-date?
Does it support the parents in involving Jesus in the family's everyday life?
In the next episode we ask -
are we equipping the children and the youth for life or death?
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Translation: Anni Lähteenmäki / TV7